Monday Message: How to Rebuild Your Life After it Falls Apart
Baby Ethan will be five months next week! And can you believe we’re already in June?!
First off, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for supporting me while I took some time off to care for our newborn and get used to life as a mom of three.
It’s really interesting how every new child brings upon this reinvention of self. This is where I’ve been. You kind of lose yourself every time you become a new mother and it’s up to you to decide who you want to become once you’re ready to come out of the new baby haze.
It’s like life as you knew it has fallen apart. It’s no longer. And you mourn that lost the same way we mourn a breakup, a lost of a job, the death of a family member, etc. The life we knew no longer exists and that can be sad.
What happens is we often get stuck in the mourning process. We keep wishing what was, could still be. This is when we get stuck. These are the moments in life when we tell ourselves that we’re in a rut. We keep trying to make the old ways work, but they don’t. And then we feel frustrated and ultimately lost.
This time instead of romanticizing the past or fighting the present, I allowed the cycle of life-death-life takeover. Why? Because as nature will show it, when life crumbles it’s because something new wants to be born. And we could just stop holding on to what we think is a beautiful past, we could actually start living.
When we find ourselves in this place of being lost, it’s not about doing. It’s not about judging. It’s about observing. It’s about listening. It’s about (dare I say it) resting.
Life will show us where it wants to go if we allow it to. This is what I’ve been doing for four months. Letting life show me what it wanted to be. The control freak in me was totally freaking out. But experience has taught me that the doing and the busyness just makes me feel even more lost.
If you’re life is burning the old to the ground, speak to the ashes. Ask it what it wants to be. And if it doesn’t answer you right away, wait. Give yourself space. Give yourself the gift of time. And most of all, give yourself compassion.