How to Stop Judging Yourself
Hi my friend, if you are reading this blog post then I’m guessing you have been a little hard on yourself lately. The good news is, you are most certainly not alone in this. I used to have this habit myself and I’ve picked up a few tips and tricks along the way to help you get rid of that negative inner voice.
Stay in the Present Moment
I know what you’re thinking what does staying present have to do with me judging myself? Well, most of the time when we’re judging ourselves, it's about an embarrassing or bad past moment. We may think to ourselves something like “uh I can’t believe I blew that job interview, I’m such an idiot”. Even though the moment is over, in this case the job interview, we are still dragging that moment with us for hours, days, weeks, and maybe even years to come. If you can let go of these past mistakes and experiences, then you’ll probably feel the weight of your own judgment lifted as well.
Cultivate Self Love
If a friend was saying horrible things about herself, you would immediately jump in, full of compassion, and tell them they are wrong, right? So, we need to do the same thing for ourselves. As soon as those judgmental thoughts arise, put a stop to them and immediately say three things you love about yourself instead, just like you would do for a friend. In the beginning, you might feel like you are faking it but over time it will become more natural. This is the most important tip I have because if we don’t start cultivating some self love, we will never stop judging ourselves.
Turn Negative Statements into Positive Ones
Our words carry a vibration so we have to choose them carefully. Practice swapping your go-to negative judgments for more positive statements. Here’s an example:
Change “I always procrastinate. I’m the worst!” to “Procrastinating does not serve me in meeting my goals”.
See how in this scenario you aren’t completely letting yourself off the hook for a bad habit that you want to change, but you aren’t totally bashing yourself either? Not judging yourself isn’t about deciding not to recognize bad habits, instead it's about being kind to yourself in the process of changing them.
Surround Yourself with Positive People
The saying that says “you are who you hang out with” has some truth. We’ve all been in a situation where one of our girlfriends starts complaining about some part of her appearance and the next thing you know, everyone starts pointing out their “flaws” as well. This act of self bashing is often disguised as simply trying to make your friend feel better but it isn’t helpful to her nor you. You can make her feel better without being mean to yourself. Next time this happens, try steering the conversation positively. If you find that isn’t working, you might consider incorporating some people into your friend group that practice self love.
I really hope that helped, my friend! In case no one has told you today, you’re doing amazing! Just the fact that you even sought out this article shows that you are working on yourself and I know that is no easy task. I’m so proud of you! If you need extra support, just know that I’m always here for you. If you’d like to work together, you can check out some of my 1-on-1 coaching options here.
PS: If you want to do a little extra work in this area, I made you a worksheet filled with exercises and mantras to help you get rid of that inner critic. Just enter your email below to download it!