After working a few internships in the t.v. and film industry, I decided I knew what I wanted to do for a living. I thought to myself, I would move from Miami to Los Angeles and work my way up to becoming the president of Paramount Pictures. Honestly, I had no idea what that job meant, but it sounded exciting and important, so I decided to make that my goal.
Pretty big dream for a little Cuban girl from Miami, right?
Once I made the decision in my head, I told everyone I knew. Of course, they thought I was crazy. But I continued trucking along, and I eventually I convinced my father to help me move to Los Angeles. He did. We did. And quickly after arriving, I found myself working as a receptionist in a law firm.
What happened to Paramount? Well, it turned out I was fearless in my dreams, but not-so-much in my actions.
My first week in L.A., I took a job as an assistant to an agent at CAA. That job scared the shit out of me. Seriously, I would come home crying every night. After two weeks of pure terror, I made another decision: I decided I wasn’t cut out for the industry.
How sad, right? We have these big dreams growing up, sometimes for years, and then these small, little experiences are enough to tell us we’re not good enough. Two weeks of a tough job was enough to convince me that a dream I had for a few years was not a good idea. Looking back, it really seems silly.
I left the assistant job and took a safe receptionist job and convinced myself (yet again) that instead of the film industry, I would apply to law school. That seemed safe.
But guess what? The itch to walk a bigger path wouldn’t leave me alone. A year later, I gave it another shot, and ultimately found myself working a temp job at Paramount. How’s that for manifesting?
Obviously, I’m not working my way up to being the president of Paramount (although, “Never say never,” right?), but I did get back on path. But I also spent a year in fear… in hiding. How many times do we do that? Fall off our path of greatness to hide behind some mediocre job, some “safe” relationship, or an overall not-on-purpose life?
It’s okay to fall off path. It’s going to happen. But when we’re there, looking for something to believe in, what we should believe in is that little girl with big dreams. She’s the fearless one. She’s the one that knows the truth. Even if her big plan doesn’t work out exactly the way she imagine, her path is the right path, and it will lead us to where we need to be.
It’s not that she disappeared. We just forgot her.
Every time we forget her, we make the choice to follow fear… to follow our doubts. And walking the path of fear is such a time sucker. One time, two times is okay, but when it becomes a habit — our default mode — is when we need to get down on our knees and pray for healing. This is the time when we pray to be brought back to the purest of thoughts, which, of course, leads us back to that little girl. She was right, after all.