How to be More Confident

For those of who don’t feel confident on the regular, observing someone with a great deal of confidence feels like we’re experiencing magic. Because in many ways, confidence is magic. You may be much more talented than the next gal, but if she thinks highly of herself and you don’t, she’s going to surpass you.

Of course, we all want to be more confident, but it’s not necessarily a light switch you can turn on and off. It took you years, to learn to think poorly of yourself (nope, you weren’t born that way), so it’s going to take some practice to bring you back to neutral — that setting we all have where we know how great we are.

So what are those things we can do to bring more confidence in our lives? Well, glad you asked! I have a few little tweaks you can make on your daily journey that will add up to a whole lot of magical confidence.

1. I Am
When I sit with my clients, I’m a damn good listener. Why? Because there is so much truth in the way we talk. You can learn so much about a person just based off the words they use. I particularly look for the words they use to describe themselves, because that gives me insight into the roadblocks they face and why they face them.

One really powerful phrase is “I am…” Whatever we put after those two words, is what we believe we are. That belief is so incredibly strong. Unless we’re aware of it, it’ll be very hard to be anything different. So for example, “I am impatient,” “I am not a morning person,” “I am shy.” With those words, you are proclaiming who you are. This is who you believe you are. And whatever you believe is what you become. So how about using the phrase with the intention to build your confidence? Start by ending any unfair use of the phrase and then switching it to a phrase that serves you and your new ambitions. “I am consistent,” “ I am confident,” “I am intelligent,” “I am worthy.”

2. Posture
Another little easy hack is our posture. If we’re not feeling confident, we’re going to want to take up the least amount of space as possible, meaning we’ll cross our arms, keep our shoulders in, etc. Someone who is not afraid to take up space — someone who believes they deserve to take up the space — will have their shoulders back, be okay with opening up their arms, etc. So if you’re in need of a quick confidence boost, open up your arms in a high V, place those arms on your waist like a super hero, or get into warrior position — all of these moves will bring an instant kick of confidence. Author Amy Cuddy dives deep into the topic in her awesome book “Presence.”

3. Remember that Confidence Grows
When I became a new mom, I simultaneously felt like the worst mom on the planet and the best editor in the city. Why? Because I was a seasoned editor and just barely a mom. Always remembers that confidence grows. The more we learn, the longer we do something, the more confident we’ll feel. In the meantime, be kind to my friend. Don’t beat yourself up for not being enough. You’ll get there. You can be confident about that.