I had just moved back to Miami from Los Angeles. I wasn’t one to attend mass on the regular, but since my life was a bit all over the place at the time, I agreed to go to church with my mother. After all, who knows what kind of demons had attached themselves to me while living in LA!

I found myself at church, down on my knees, begging and pleading for a boyfriend. Everything about my life was unstable at the time, so a boyfriend sounded like someone who could offer me a steady foundation.

And guess what? It didn’t take too long for my prayers to be answered. I was quite impressed by this God person. “Thank you, God,” I thought. “I’ll be sure to do business with you again soon.”

Sweet. This universal source I spoke to at night actually came through. It sent me a boyfriend! He was even wrapped in the perfect bow: creative, educated, sexy, from a good family, had a job… Check, check, check!

We instantly fell in love, like two magnets that finally found their other halves. Our relationship was a Nicholas Sparks novel in the making. In fact, it was exactly how I envisioned it: romantic, passionate, and poetic, with sprinkles of dedicated song lyrics.

A year into our relationship, I had already monogrammed the towels, designed our first apartment together, and purchased the dog we would love as our child — ALL IN MY MIND. Our minds are quite imaginative.

And then a few months after that, the relationship came to an end. Just like that, from one day to the next, my plans were no longer an option. I, like many people who desperately try to make a relationship into what they want it to be rather than see it for what it is, found myself completely caught off guard. The relationship, which I thought was a gift from God, had just crumbled.

And as the relationship crumbled, I crumbled too.

After a large deal of resistance, I finally started to embrace the healing process. When we imagine our lives with someone for the long haul, and then that relationships ends, our minds are left with disconnected wires looking for their match. Meaning, our minds are feeling quite a bit of trauma. This is the time to be easy on ourselves and look for the lesson in all that is happening.

So I did. I looked for the lesson. And what I learned is something I want to share with you in hopes that you can make sense of those beautiful relationships that for some reason did not work out.

Not all relationships are meant for the long haul. Some are just stepping-stones. And, unfortunately, we do not have a say in the size. Know that all those stones do help us to make our foundation, so we must be thankful for each — no matter how small, weak, or imperfect they may seem.

In relationship we agree to take part in, we learn something about our world and ourselves. My ex-boyfriend gave me the courage to express myself creatively. He taught me how to live a life of expression and he encouraged me to do so every moment we were together. You guys, he started my blog for me! I mean, come on, could this relationship have given me a greater gift?

And that was the purpose of our relationship. I’m not quite sure what I did for him, but I’m sure there was something. But what is important for me is that I’m able to be thankful for the relationship and forgive him and me for any wrong doing. That’s what counts. That’s what allows me to take what I learn and transform it into a worthy energy, like the energy it takes to create this blog post, which ultimately will help you, who will then help the world. You see how that works?

Take your pain and your past and transform it. Give it purpose by giving thanks and offering forgiveness. Once you have the courage to close that chapter in gratitude, you’ll open the door to a relationship that will blow you out of the water. Hell, yeah! It’s waiting. But you have to answer the door.

And when you do, let me know how it goes, ok?

Love with all my heart. Let’s do this.

N Squared